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Newsletter No 8 :: Apr 03

Happy Easter! I hope you enjoy the opportunity for a break over the four day weekend, and perhaps have one too many pieces of chocolate on Sunday! At the very least, I hope you enjoy the repeats of Grease, Spartacus and Chitty Chitty Bang Bang that are bound to be on TV over the weekend.

In this month's Newsletter:

Managing what's on your plate

Imagine your life is a plate at the local charity buffet supper. Does yours feel like it was piled high by the weird old lady who works 'out the back' in the butchers, full of stuff you don't really like and far more than you could ever eat? Don't know where to start munching, and not even sure what some of this stuff is ("You know, it does look like frog risotto - whatever it is")?

Well, you are certainly not alone. When we get to this stage of overwhelm, how can we overcome it, without offending the vicar's wife or missing out on the stuff we do like? Here are my thoughts on managing our priorities in life and work (a heartfelt contribution given my own 'challenges' this month!), otherwise known as The 7 Habits of Highly Focused Food Eaters.

  1. Decide who is responsible for deciding what goes on your plate
    • Stop and think about exactly who is piling up your plate, and who has the responsibility for managing it? Only you know how much you can cope with, and what should be on the plate. External pressures are a factor, I accept, but just how much control can you assert over those factors? Can you talk with your spouse, boss, village committee chairman, customers or children about the demands being placed on you and the issues you are facing? (Hint: all the time you remain a 'victim' of other pressures, you rely on those people to act on your behalf - can that be guaranteed? When you take responsibility, you start to take control - the first (and possibly biggest) step to resolution.)
  2. Know what food you like, and what makes you sicker than the record company who rejected the Beatles in 1962
    • What do you want on your plate? Have you ever stopped and considered that? Can you find time on this 4 day weekend to do it? If you know what your true priorities are for you, your family, your department or your business, how much more power will you have when it comes to deciding what goes on the plate and what doesn't? What do you want from your life/business this week, month and year? How will that impact on other priorities?
    • What do you definitely not want? What is draining your energy so much it is affecting other things? Can you list 5 things that are currently on your plate that you really want to get rid of? And how can you do that?
  3. Politely decline what you don't want ("Sorry Mrs Gribbins, I know for a fact that Marmalade and Engine Oil Surprise Cake brings me out in a hideous rash")
    • A problem we all face is not being able to say no. That's why we end up with unsavoury things on our plate. But we can say no, there are just different ways of saying it. Sometimes direct is appropriate and all that will achieve the result ("Dad, can we go to Florida for Easter"), but we can sometimes benefit from explaining why we are saying no, and understanding the impact on others. For more detail on relationships with others, and the idea of Emotional Bank Accounts, refer to Issue 5 or e-mail me for a copy.
    • Something I was told recently, that I have found useful when saying no with regard to time management, is that when we say yes to a commitment, we are effectively saying no to someone or something else, so we never actually avoid saying no. By this I mean that if we make a time commitment to someone (because we are afraid of saying no), we say no to whatever else would have happened in that time - sleep, time with our spouse, a relaxing walk, a few pints in the pub.
  4. Put on your plate only what you can eat
    • A perennial challenge, but something we do manage very often with food, so why can't we translate that to our commitments in life? Sure its a tougher challenge, but is it more to do with being reactive to our commitments than being proactive (see step 2 above). When you know what you want on your plate, how big that plate is (and be realistic on this!) and how long it is going to take you to eat what's on there, you can manage what comes onto it.
    • And in case you have just said "Huh, he obviously doesn't live in the same world as me", I am not suggesting any of us will achieve perfection on this (if you do, please let me know!), but we can make progress from where we are now towards that perfection - that can only be better, right?
  5. Eat the good bits first, but maintain a balanced diet
    • So now we know how big our plate is, who gets to fill it, what we want on it and how to control that. Now we get to gorge on chocolate bunnies non-stop, right? Well, no. As Goethe once said: "Things that matter most should never be at the mercy of things that matter least". We should do the stuff that's most important to us first, but we also need to maintain a balance, keeping the elements of our lives, or the roles we play, in perspective.
    • So schedule what matters most to you first, and get those priorities done, but don't exclude everything else. For tips on scheduling and time management, there is an excellent article in the March issue of the leading waste industry journal Wastes Management, copies available from the article's author (that would be me!).
  6. No pudding until you've cleared your plate
    • My Mum did a great job bringing me up (well, I think I'm a well-balanced individual) and clearing your plate was something instilled in me from an early age (not always easy with some of Mum's cooking, but I love her nonetheless!). Now, perhaps clearing your plate completely is impractical for managing a life or job, but it fits well with my metaphor, so cut me some slack! The principle is that you will know when you've finished the sausage rolls and so can accept a slice of pumpkin pie - no point going through steps 1-5 if you then just let more get piled on afterwards! You will know when space is appearing and you are in a position to take on or schedule the next commitment.
  7. Give yourself a Little Chef lolly
    • Another childhood memory is eating at the roadside cafes called Little Chef. Now, I don't know if they still do this, but in the late 70s they certainly had a basket of lollies for any child who cleared their plate (never had trouble getting a lolly!). So my final step is to reward ourselves when commitments are fulfilled - sometimes the reward is success of the project, whether at work or home, but other times (especially for 'duty' commitments), a little reward to ourselves can provide the incentive or impetus to reach completion and take on the next task. So what can I buy myself for dutifully enjoying a stay with my in-laws next week?....

Volunteers needed

I am in the process of developing a new coaching programme aimed at helping people increase efficiencies at work and make their jobs more effortless. This will apply to business owners and executives but also people who manage departments or teams. As part of this development, I need some volunteers to be guinea pigs for the programme, and would hope some subscribers to the newsletter would be interested (or would know someone who would be). Participation will be free for the volunteers and will involve an hour or two a week over 12 weeks. We will work through the programme and then I will ask for your feedback on the material etc, so I can improve what I am offering. It would be ideal for anyone who wants to set up a new business or department, or who wants to take their existing operation to another level.

If you would be interested in more details, please e-mail or call me - I am very excited by this and would love to share that with you!

Media Mentions

The May edition of Top Sante magazine (in the shops now even though it is April (?)) features life coach Suzy Greaves with an article entitled "10 Questions you would like to ask a life coach". Suzy trained with the same organisation as me and has produced a very good article with some useful tips - and not all the tips are particular to women (Top Sante's target readership). And as a bonus, you can also learn 'what every woman must know about her body....and his' and how to 'get a bikini body in just six weeks' elsewhere in the issue. Required reading.

Earlier this month I was lucky enough to meet TV coach Rhonda Britten when she was over in the UK filming her next Channel 5 series (previously called Life Doctor and now called Help Me Rhonda - coming to UK TV screens in August/September). She has an amazing life story and was inspirational as a coach, with a somewhat 'direct' style! It was interesting to hear the challenges of the TV show (30 hours of coaching edited down to 22 minutes for an episode - and the editors choose what makes 'great TV'). She was also discussing her books Fearless Living and Fearless Loving, which are now on my list to read having heard her philosophy face to face. If any of you have read them or do so, I would love to hear your thoughts.

Inspiration and humour

Harry Potter mania is again sweeping the country, with the Chamber of Secrets DVD breaking all sales records on its release last week and orders already being taken for the 5th book when it is not released until June. Whilst excellent novels for children and adults alike (I have been immmersed in the Quidditch World Cup for the last couple of weeks), the books have some amazing one-liners that rank up there with other inspirational quotes. Here are the ones I have spotted, and I wait for Zen and the Art of Broomstick Maintenance or Harry Potter and the Tao Principle:

'It is our choices, Harry, that show what we truly are, far more than our abilities.'
Professor Dumbledore, Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets

'If you want to know what a man is like, take a good look at how he treats his inferiors, not his equals.'
Sirius Black, Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire

'It matters not what someone is born, but what they grow to be.'
Professor Dumbledore, Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire

And a piece of humour I know will appeal to a couple of readers going through a separation:

"Mr. Quinn, I have reviewed this case very carefully," the divorce court judge said, "and I've decided to give your wife £500 a week."

"That's very fair, your honour," the husband said. "And every now and then I'll try to send her a few pounds myself."

Reader Feedback

Thank you to those who responded to my request for feedback in the last issue - I now have a working title that I will introduce next month unless anyone comes up with something else in the meantime!

I would also like to thanks those of you who pass this on, and remind those of you who don't how much I would appreciate that. I hope what I produce each month is of interest and you may think of people you know who would enjoy what I write. My readership has more than doubled in the 8 months, and increased almost 20% since last month - thank you for your help in that.

Red Nose Coaches

A cheerful note to finish on, the initiative to raise money for Comic Relief through coaching has now topped £2,000 and is well on the way to £2,500. I really enjoyed organising the event (and am very proud of the money raised. I owe a huge vote of thanks to those coaches who took part (have you visited www.rednosecoaches.com yet to see who they were?), especially Nicola Cairncross and Arvind Devalia, and plans are already being prepared for next year (I am making space on my plate for that!).

Have a fantastic Easter.

Warmest regards

James Butler

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