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How to avoid financial fallout with friends
Life coach James Butler pinpoints the main clashes you may experience with friends and advises how to diffuse them.
Cash Clash #1
Your friend earns more than you do and regularly treats you to presents and drinks - but you're now starting to feel awkward.
Gently tell her that you love her generosity, but you hate feeling indebted to her. Ask her to keep presents for special occasions, and agree to buy your own drinks. But if she still insists, there are many ways you can repay her that aren't about the cost. For example, cook her dinner when she's had a bad day, or give her small gifts, such as a photo album of your friendship.
Cash Clash #2
You lent a friend money when she was broke. Now she's on her feet again, but she seems to have forgotten to pay you back. How do you ask for repayment?
If she's a good friend, she'll respect your honesty if you just remind her. However, if you feel awkward doing this, bring up the subject indirectly. Next time you're out together, 'forget' your cash card and ask her to lend you some money. Then, 'remember' her debt and say you'll deduct it from what she owes you. This should jog her memory, and now the subject has been raised, you can discuss ways for her to pay you back that suits you both.
Cash Clash #3
Many of your friends are getting married, and you are worried that costly hen weekends and wedding presents will put a strain on your finances. How can you get around this without insulting anyone?
Think about your priorities. Go to your best friend's hen party, but tell the friend who isn't as close that you can't make her special weekend, but you'd love to take her out for a pre-wedding drink instead. As for presents - club together with your other friends. That way, you will be spending less, but the bride will still be touched by the effort you've all made.
Cash Clash #4
You and your friend earn the same amount but have different spending habits - you like to splash out on treats, but whenever you show off your purchases, she makes you feel guilty.
Sometimes, people can't understand that we spend according to our own priorities. Her values are different to yours, and it's fine to disagree, but you have to tell her how you feel. Next time she disapproves of your new bag, say, 'I'm disappointed you don't like it - I was really excited when I bought it.' This will show her your feelings are hurt, which should get your point across without offending her.
[Published in Cosmopolitan, September 2004]